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Updated: 12/11/2013 08:00:02AM

I can say Happy Festivus if I want

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Ah, yes – once again, it’s the time of year for some folks to (mostly figuratively) run into the streets and (mostly obnoxiously) proclaim their Profound Umbrage that so few of their fellows cleave to the proclaimers’ exacting and (mostly pompously) prescribed style for public declaration of The Reason for “The Season.”

All of this, while their steeped-in-tradition minions set forth to do battle at the sacred cathedrals of consumption, thrashing the life out of their brethren for a chance at the latest shiny doodads dangled in front of them by their capitalist overlords.

These blaring annual declarations that some amorphous body of dissenters is somehow “ruining” the November-December festivals of excess for the remaining, well-behaved consumers were vaguely amusing for a short while, but now sound like the same old dark, bitter kvetch, trotted out regularly by the same old, bitter suspects who simply cannot understand why everyone Won’t Do Things Their Way.

Wanna “celebrate” Christmas”? Have at it. “Kwanzaa”? Go for it. “Hanukkah”? Shalom, I guess. “Festivus”? Be my guest. But, please — if someone else chooses to communicate noncommittally about your precious holiday, or even expresses a bit of disgruntlement at finding it nearly impossible to move about without being inundated by messages they really aren’t inclined to hear or even agree with, just let it go, OK?

We’ll all feel better in the long run and, if you’re really lucky, maybe the Flying Spaghetti Monster will touch you with his noodly appendage.

Jeff Goff


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